Resurrection VI - A Past Remembered
by Annejackdanny
Summary: See Part I for summary. This fic is Jack/Daniel, m/m, kidfic, AU, adventure, h/c, bits of angst, ascension-fix-it story, takes place in season six some time after Abyss.
1. Chapter 1

**Part VI**

**A Past remembered**

**Sometimes** in the dark of sleepless nights and after more beer than was good for him Jack had known there could be more, _was_ more. If he gave in to it. If he allowed himself to open up to it. But he always stomped it down. There couldn't be anything more.

**I**

"Are we there yet?"

Jack turned his head, blinked and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the scruff under his fingertips. He needed a shave. "The answer's the same as the last time you asked, buddy."

"But that was hours and hours and hours ago."

"More like five minutes."

"We're there when we get there?" A deep sigh accompanied the words.

"Yep."

"But I'm boooored." They were lying on their backs, gazing into the cerulean sky and its wispy white clouds. They had played endless rounds of 'I spy with my little eye'. Jack had made up a story of Thor, the Asgard, being on a covert ops mission disguised as a mule and had prompted Danny to continue. They had spun a tale together that had gotten more silly with each twist and turn they added. They had eaten most of their food, counted farm houses, then trees, then clouds...

"I'm booooored, too," Jack replied in the same whiny tone. "I want my yooo-yooo."

Danny giggled. "You're s'pposed to entertain me, not whine with me."

"Hey, I've entertained you for the last couple of hours. Your turn now. Come up with something."

Danny rolled over on his belly and rested his chin on his arms. "Dunno."

"Let's take a nap?"

"No-o-o."

"All right, let me think..." Jack sat up, opened the pack and rummaged around in it. They had two apples left. He pulled them out and threw them into the air, one by one, caught them again, then started throwing them higher and until they were moving in a circle as he continued catching and tossing. But Danny was beyond being excited over juggling two lousy apples.

He wasn't interested in learning how to do it either.

"I want off this train," he informed Jack, bottom lip jutting out in a brilliant pout.

"No can do." Jack put the apples away. "If you need to move, do some push ups."

"We could play train hopping," Danny suggested hopefully. "We could jump from one roof to the next."

"I don't think so."

"But it'll be fun. Like they do in the movies at home. We could pretend some bad guy is after us and wants to shoot us."

"No train hopping."

"But I'm..."

"Bored, yeah, I know."

"Jaaack, the train goes so slow, we could really..."

"No."

"But..."

"Danny, we will not jump from roof to roof, no matter how much fun you think it's gonna be."

"Ja-ack!" The bug was on his feet so fast, Jack had to be quick to get a hold on him before he could run and – god forbid – fall off the train.

Pulling the struggling kid into his lap, Jack wrapped one arm around him to keep him in place. "Are you trying to get into trouble on purpose?"

Danny froze, then relaxed and buried his face against Jack's chest. "'m just tired of sitting around an' doing nothing. My arms and legs are all tingly and want to wiggle and waggle."

Jack couldn't blame him. Heck, _he_ was tired of sitting on his ass this long. All they could do was lie down, sit up again, move here and there a bit. But Jack's one hard and fast rule was; no getting up and walking around on the train roof. Of course he could have walked the length of the roof without being in danger, but he wasn't going to give the kid any ideas so he'd sat tight as well.

He couldn't afford for Danny to have a full-blown tantrum up here either, though. He had to think on his feet to defuse the situation somehow.

He jiggled Danny's shoulder to make him look up.

"Wiggle and waggle?" he asked. "You want to wiggle and waggle?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Like this?"

"Not with my eyebrows!" There was a giggle.

"Well, you aren't going anywhere on this train, Danny-boy, so eyebrow waggling it is."

Danny waggled his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. "That's stupid," he decided.

"Practice makes perfect."

It didn't do the trick. Of course it didn't. Was a stupid idea anyway. Danny tried to squirm away again. "Not funny, Jack."

"Funny? You want funny? I'll give you funny." He started tickling. Danny started kicking and screeching and chortling and Jack held on with one arm and mercilessly let the fingers of his other hand scuttle up and down the small body, poke the soft belly and find their way under one armpit. "That's what you get for being a little bratling. It's the famous O'Neill torture. You givin' up?"

"Noo-ooo-oooo!" He got to wiggle and waggle a lot and he laughed until tears were streaming down his face. It was a risky thing to do up here, but as long as Jack didn't let go of the bug, they were okay.

He pulled up the urchin's shirt and blew a raspberry on his belly and the kid laughed even harder if that was possible. Something jiggled and fell out of the boy's pants. Jack got a glimpse of a silver chain. Probably one of those Ba'th necklaces the kid had liked so much. He didn't pay attention to it, he had his hands full of bouncing limbs...

"Stoooop, Jack, stoooop," the wriggle-worm howled a moment later and Jack immediately complied before the fun turned into tears. Danny gasped for breath and went limp in Jack's arms, but he still managed fits of giggles.

"Feeling better?"

"Yes. But that was SO mean." More giggles and a bit of coughing now.

Jack rubbed his back. "But it helped, eh? With all that want to wiggle-waggle?"

"Yes, but I still wish we were there soon."

"Me too, buddy, me too."

Danny smiled up at him. "I have an idea. A game. I'm gonna quiz you on your memory."

_Uh-oh._ "I think my memory is fine now. Mostly."

"You don't know that. Here's how it works. I'll give you names and places and things and you'll tell me the first thought that comes to mind."

He shrugged. He didn't really want to deal with his memory issue, but if it kept the kid occupied for a while... "Sure."

"Urgo."

"Row row row your boat." That one was easy. If embarrassing.

"Oh! Good one, Jack! Abydos."

"Ra. Sarcophagus. Sandstorms."

"SGC."

"Stargate Command. Or Sam got chocolate."

"Ja-ack. DHD."

"Daniel hates Donuts."

"I don't!" A frown appeared on Danny's face. "You're not taking this seriously. What about the Nox?"

"Little munchkins living in the woods."

Danny smacked the arm still holding him. "Jack! Pay attention! Hammond."

"A bald man from Texas."

"SG-1."

"Danny, you know that I know what SG-1 is," Jack muttered.

"Yes, but what does it _mean_ to you?"

"What do you mean, _mean_? It's my... our... team, we're on our way to put it back together again, I guess. At least we're going to find Teal'c and Carter."

Danny reached up a small hand and Jack caught it gently, but firmly, in his. "No touching-to-show stuff, remember?"

"But you have to understand."

He shook his head, but asked nevertheless. "Understand what?"

"What's it like. To be you. Who you used to be. What mattered to you."

_Daniel mattered to me_, Jack thought and felt the knot in his guts again. "I know who I am. I'm here, right?"

Danny gazed at him for a moment. "But you'd rather stay in Ba'th. Daniel was right. You don't want to go back home. You don't want to be Colonel Jack O'Neill anymore."

Jack bit his lip and tried not to read too much into those big blue eyes. But he was sure there was a bit of accusation. "I'm going to do what I have to do, Danny. For now that's all I can give you. We'll find Teal'c and get him out of there and make sure he's okay. Then we'll find a way to leave."

"But you're not sure you want to leave with them."

"I probably have no choice but to leave. I might end up on the most wanted list of this government if we can pull this off." _But I can resign. I know there's a place somewhere in the woods I own. It'll come back to me where that is. I could go there and live my life in peace._

He reached between his legs and his fingers closed around the chain that had fallen out of Danny's pants. "Here, you lost your..." The words died on his lips when he held up the rubber-framed slips of metal. His first impulse was to throw them away, down the roof, on the tracks. Instead his fingers closed tightly around them. "Where did you find them, Danny?"

"Oh! I was supposed to give it to you, I'm sorry. Daniel gave it to me when we met at the theater." Danny pulled a face. "I keep forgetting the important stuff. It has to do with being so small. Maybe my brain isn't big enough to hold it all in."

Jack wrapped the chain around the tags and stuffed them into his pants. Out of sight... "Your brain's just right, kiddo. C'mon, let's eat those apples we have left and see how far we can toss the cores. And then I think I have a couple more stories up my sleeve to keep ya happy."

ooo

This place was great. An oasis of peace and harmony. A sanctuary. Jack used to think of his ruins at Ba'th Town as his 'home'. His go-to-place. He had an inkling Carter had felt like that here. Sheltered and at ease with the world.

Jack wondered if she was still struggling with her new-found memories and the concept of going 'home', too. He didn't know her very well in his current state of trying to piece his other life back together. Well, it wasn't like he had tried very hard, yet..

What he remembered of her was her brilliant mind and her being loyal to the core and a great asset out in the field. He remembered not always being able to follow her train of thought. He recalled that she was a physicist and as excellent in her field of expertise as Daniel was in his. He remembered Carter and Daniel being like siblings, the wonder twins, the ones who came up with the genius stuff to save their asses. But it was more an overall understanding of how the team had worked, how they had functioned together. He could put a face to Carter's name and a rank. He knew she was blond and her eyes were blue like Daniel's.

But he still didn't _know_ her.

Except...

_She talked to her plants._

That was something he remembered now, probably because Jadah's property was basically a huge blanket of flowers and herbs. They were everywhere. On fields surrounding the garden, in the front yard, the backyard, crawling over the walls of the white washed house. Dots of every color on rich foliage of greens everywhere.

There was a rose garden and a tulip garden up front. In the back were patches of all kinds of flowers Jack didn't know the name of. Further away from the house were an herb garden and a green house. Jadah had shown them around after dinner. Danny had been in awww and ooooh mode over the bee hives and the pigeon loft. But he'd fallen in love with the fluffy brown rabbits living in their very own part of the yard with little wooden houses to sleep in. Getting him away from them and ready for bed had been a challenge in itself.

Jadah had lured Danny away from his new friends with the promise of warm honey milk and a bedtime story. Danny had accepted the milk offer from her, but had insisted that Jack tell the story. When he'd finally been tucked under the covers he'd held onto one of Jack's fingers with his small hand and asked, "You're not going to find Teal'c without me, right Jack? You won't leave me here and go away?"

Jack had stroked the wispy blond hair of his star child and wondered if Danny sometimes read his mind. "I'm not going anywhere tonight, buddy."

"I have to go with you," Danny had murmured, eyes heavy with sleep.

"Let's talk about that tomorrow. It's been a long day."

"Promise me." Danny had suddenly sat up and stared at him, fighting sleep with all his might to get his point across.

"Danny..."

"You won' leave without me. Where you go, I go. You promised."

"You'll be safer here. We'll be back once we got Teal'c out. I said I'd take you with me, and I will. But rescuing Teal'c might be dangerous and I don't want anything happen to you."

"But you'll need me! I'm part of the team, Jack."

He'd kissed the top of Danny's head. "We'll talk about this tomorrow."

A single tear had peeked out from under silky lashes and run down a chubby cheek. "You won't take me with you."

Not a question anymore. Jack had decided he could as well say it as it was. Daniel had never been one to be fooled easily.

"I'm sorry. I can't. It's too risky." He'd brushed that tear away with his thumb. "But we'll be back together in no time."

Danny had turned his back on him and burrowed under the soft covers. Jack put a hand on the boy's back and felt him stiffen. The rejection hit much harder than he wanted to admit. He'd fussed with the blanket for a moment, said goodnight and left quietly.

Now he was sitting on the porch behind the house, absently playing with his dog tags. He listened to the sounds of the night. Different than Ba'th Town. No ocean lapping against the shore, no wind in the beach grass. Rustle of leaves instead. Hushed noises of small nocturnal mammals in the bushes. The faint gurgle of a nearby well or spring. Crickets. The crickets he knew from the beach, too. And from Minnesota...

The place he owned; the cabin with the no-fish-pond was in Minnesota. He'd known he grew up there, but he'd forgotten the cabin was there, too. At least he had somewhere to go now when he got back. Somewhere he could maybe learn to feel at home again.

He looked up briefly, registering the pool of silver reflecting in the huge french doors. The moon was almost full tonight. It illuminated the garden and deepened the shadows.

He smelled Jadah before she made herself known. The scent of lavender seemed to accompany her everywhere, yet it wasn't strong enough to be pungent. Just a whiff of it.

"You are still up." She had spoken softly as though she didn't want to disturb the stillness of the night. Now she moved with surprising ease for a woman her age around the table. She sat a small cup in front of him and settled in the other chair. "You should save your strength and sleep. The tea will help."

He glanced at it. "Thanks, ma'am."

"You are a troubled one, are you not?"

"Trying to sort out two different lifelines is kind of troubling, if that's what you mean." He let the chain slide through his hand. He rubbed his fingertips over the tags, tracing the stenciled words and numbers. O'NEILL, JACK 799 36 6412 B NEG RC.

"You are the leader of the unit Sam calls SG-1," Jadah said. "But you are tired of being a leader."

He closed his fist around the tags. _Ya think? _

"Sam believes in you and her SG-1. She is out there trying to save Teal'c and she is expecting you to be there when it's time."

"I'll be there," Jack said grudgingly. He hadn't come all this way to just sit here and watch the flowers grow. What did she want from him? She was beginning to sound like the kid.

"But will you be ready?"

He stretched out his legs and leaned back in his seat, glancing at the night sky. "I remember enough to pull this off." How hard could it be? Getting off the planet could be difficult, but they had to do this one step at a time. Tackling a bunch of monks in a monastery was a piece of cake, right? Nothing like going against the troops of Apophis. Or Ba'al.

Something cold and dreadful settled at the pit of his stomach. Ba'al was a memory he could do without. He felt the edges of the tags pressing into his palm as he tightened his fist around them again.

Jadah lowered her gaze to his hands and he slowly relaxed them, leaving the chain dangling between his legs. "What is the meaning of them?"

"It's a military thing. Identification." When she looked blankly at him he shrugged and showed them to her. "If a soldier dies in the field... falls in battle... they can help to identify him so that his family can be contacted."

Jadah raised her eyebrows. "How did you get them back? Authorities usually take away everything that connects you to your former life once you've been stamped."

"It's a long story." And he wasn't exactly embracing the gesture either. If his tags were supposed to tell him something he was missing the point. All they did was remind him of how his old life had taken away too much. How the price he had to pay for wearing them had been too high in the end. They were a millstone around his neck, one he'd been happy to get rid off.

"Do they define you?"

"What?"

"Is being a soldier all you know from your other life? And is that troubling you? That there isn't anything else you will go back to?"

He swiftly pushed the tags back in his pocket. "Never thought about that. I'm just trying to figure out how to go from here."

She nodded and Jack wasn't sure if she bought it or if she was just accepting that he didn't want to have that particular conversation. "I have drawn you a map, but you can't miss the way. There are not many walkable paths leading through the woods."

"Thanks."

"Tell me, Jack O'Neill, is the child part of your other life? I did not see him in Sam's memories and she didn't mention him. But he's special. I can sense powers in him he probably doesn't even know about."

"I adopted him a while ago and couldn't leave him behind." He didn't want to have this conversation either.

She rose from the chair, tugging her robe around her body. "Drink your tea. You will sleep better."

When he heard the french doors closing behind her he gave the tea a dismissive glance and, instead of turning in as well, went for a stroll around the property.


	2. Chapter 2

**II**

He wandered the stone path aimlessly. He passed two small terraces with white marble benches and walked past the rabbit hutch. He took another turn and saw the greenhouse not far ahead. Jack picked a small trail leading around it. At its back he faced something that looked suspiciously like hemp planted in five rows.

Hel-lo?

Curious if his hunch was right, he took a closer look at the green leaved plants. On first sight they looked like hemp, but Jack found no seeds or blossoms and the stems weren't fuzzy and hairy like they had been on weed-planet. If this was another alien version of cannabis he was sure Jadah used it for medical treatment only.

Not to drug friendly visitors to their eyeballs.

On weed-planet that stuff had grown everywhere. Those folks had turned it into oil, spices, bath essences, medicine, tobacco... just about anything. Carter had been all excited over its medical benefits. According to Fraiser the first samples SG-1 had sent back to Earth had a resemblance to cannabis, which would make it illegal on Earth. But, as Fraiser and Carter pointed out just before SG-1 had gone back to a follow up visit, the alien plant was slightly different and there was some other significant aspect Jack had forgotten about, that had Fraiser running down Hammond's door with a request to examine the natives of weed-planet and prove that their cannabis lacked the dangerous side effects of the Earth equivalent.

None of the natives on weed-planet appeared to be stoned. And they consumed that stuff en masse every day, even the kids. Carter had collected blood samples for Fraiser and it had all seemed fine and dandy.

Until that feast the natives had arranged for the friendly visitors from Earth. Until Daniel had insisted they smoke the bong to seal the treaty. Jack had balked, but Carter reminded him that the weed-planet hemp had no side effects. "It's really no more dangerous than having one beer or a jello-shot. You will feel a bit light-headed for a while, that's all." Her words. And Daniel had nodded his head and pointed out that the tribe's chieftain would see a refusal of the bong as an insult of his hospitality yadda yadda.

Teal'c had thrown in his two cents by pointing out that smoking this plant wouldn't have any effects on him because junior protected him from it. "If you, DanielJackson and MajorCarter appear to be under the influence of this plant in any way, I will intervene. If you should talk about classified information of the Tau'ri I will stun you with the zat'nik'tel, O'Neill."

Jack couldn't remember why he had given in, but he had. And it had all gone to hell in a hand basket. Could have been that the bong-smoking had a different effect on people. Could have been that the hemp affected them differently because they weren't used to it like the natives. Could have been... would have been...should have been.

It had happened, they'd gone home, done the red tape and damage control. Jack and Daniel had had a very awkward talk with Fraiser about whether or not there was non-con involved. Jack had done his part, had taken responsibility for allowing his team to get stoned. In the end the events on weed-planet had officially been chalked up to alien influences.

But weed-planet had haunted him.

Mocked him.

He had wanted to bury it deep deep down in the darkest hole and never think of it again. Right by the place where he had buried Charlie's death. But it had kept creeping up on him, taunting him. Mostly at nights when he couldn't keep his guard up. In his dreams he could have sworn he'd smelled the flowers and felt the moist, slick paint on his fingers as he drew symbols on Daniel's face...

..."This one is for belonging," Daniel told him. "The symbol for commitment. The symbol for unification. The symbol for love." Rough whispered words and snatchy breaths. "With this I'll be yours, our souls will be bonded forever and our hearts will be one." Daniel tilted his head so Jack had better access to his right cheekbone.

"Whoa, that's cheesy," he chuckled. At the same time he felt the truth of it bone-deep.

"This is how these people mate," Daniel said.

They kissed deeply and hungrily and Jack thought his head was going to explode from the sheer sensation.

"This is the place of their mating." Daniel licked his lips. Swollen from kissing. Perfect lips.

"The flowers are part of that?" With the hand that wasn't drawing symbols Jack fingered the red, white and blue blossoms he was wearing around his neck. Daniel had braided them earlier. Jack couldn't tell when exactly. Time was a blur and the taste of that stuff they'd smoked fogged his mind. But it opened his senses. Oh, yeah. All of them.

"All part of an ancient holy ritual."

Jack finished the last symbol with a flourishing bow and took a look at his handiwork. Blue lines and circles covered his archeologist's face and the sides of his neck.

"You look..."

"Stupid," Daniel said dryly.

"Beautiful," Jack whispered, then smirked. "And maybe a tiny little bit stupid, yeah."

He looked at Daniel's body, splayed out for him on this altar; years of fantasizing about it couldn't prepare Jack for the reality of this.

He reached out trembling fingers, to touch, to stroke, to caress. And Daniel took his hand and guided him, showed him the way. Jack had done this before, but never like this. They started out slow and tender. There was nothing rushed or shameful about this. No groping in the dark. The sunlight spilled over them, out in the open. No swallowing down the noises, no hand covering mouths. Daniel's eyes were wide open, his lips parted, his blue inked cheeks flushed. He made those needy little noises deep in his throat when Jack devoured every inch of him with his mouth and whispered words to Daniel he'd never thought he could say out loud to another man...

...There might have been a faint alarm going off somewhere in Jack's mind at one point, telling him to stop. But he wasn't sure. And if there had been such an alarm, the fog of the drug had drowned it out. Or maybe it had been the need to finally give in to this longing that overrode everything. To take what was his. To give what he'd wanted to give for so long.

Most of what had happened once they had really gotten into it and done the deed was reduced to fragments of images and sounds afterwards. And what should have been remembered as something precious, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to show Daniel all he felt and all he had to give if they lived in a different world, had turned into something ugly and shameful again.

Because Jack couldn't get over himself and look past what he was. Because Carter and Teal'c, of all people, had found them curled around each other on that altar hours later in an explicit way that left little room for speculation.

They had come off it fast then and by the time they stepped through the gate Jack had locked himself down tight. He had gone through all the follow up briefings, physical checks and handing his report to Hammond on auto pilot. He had checked with Daniel to make sure their reports matched and when they had to face Fraiser in the infirmary, after the results of Daniel's physical had come back, Daniel had calmly stated that what happened on weed-planet had to stay on weed-planet and that there was no need for a rape kit. Fraiser had looked at them and said, "Whatever you are going to do from here on out – be careful."

They had gone their separate ways after that for a while, trying to wrap their minds around this. Carter and Teal'c had never mentioned it again and if Carter had felt awkward around her CO she'd been good enough to hide it. Not that Jack had expected anything else from her.

But Jack had known what he had done. What he and Daniel had done. And he'd had to get up every day to face it and live with it. Had to sit through briefings with Daniel and appear normal while his mind blackmailed him in the worst possible way. Daniel absently nibbled on the tip of his pen, Jack's eyes had been fixed on Daniel's lips. Daniel did a Power Point Presentation with his back to them and Jack's eyes clung to Daniel's ass. Daniel did one of his 'we have to go to this planet for x-y-z reasons' speeches and Jack zoned out the words and just listened to the voice going from sotto to excited to gravelly. The voice that had explained those mating symbols to him.

He had finally been able to put a stop to his traitorous thoughts and needs by sheer will. Daniel hadn't been for him. And he had to live with that even if it meant to cut his own fucking heart out.

Yep. It had haunted him.

Jack turned away from the might-be-cannabis and walked back the same trail he had come, around the green house and on to the stone path, past the sleeping rabbits. He didn't want to deal with this, but once the flood gate had opened, the memories of those weeks after weed-planet rushed through and there was nowhere to run.

So Jack let them come.

He remembered how he and Daniel had carefully avoided each other whenever they could get away with it. How his focus had been strictly on the missions when they had gone through the gate together. He had stopped indulging himself with Daniel-watching. He had ordered new tent arrangements. Daniel had shared with Carter and Jack bunked down with Teal'c. He had stopped his regular visits to Daniel's office to entertain and annoy him. Jack made sure they always had Carter and Teal'c as a buffer between them on team nights.

It had worked somehow. The awkwardness faded away a bit and things had returned to a fragile state of pretended normal. Until one fine evening in October there had been a knock at his front door and Jack stood in his kitchen, beer in hand, and just _known_.

He had considered not opening...

...But if he was honest with himself he knew this had to happen sooner or later. The Talk. And of course it was Daniel who was initiating The Talk. Jack knew it should be the other way around. But he hadn't been able to face it yet so he kept hiding behind the thought that they needed more time to pass before they could... talk.

There was a slight déjà vu of another afternoon when Daniel had shown up at his front step and they had ended up in the living room, awkwardly talking about the foundation of their friendship or the lack of it. They had made it through that. Jack wasn't quite sure they were going to make it through this.

Back then Daniel had brought beer. This time he held up a bottle of whiskey.

"Is that supposed to make this easier?" Jack said on the edge of a sigh.

"I thought we might need something strong later on."

"Daniel..."

"We need to talk. For once we..." Daniel trailed off and pulled up his shoulders in a helpless 'what else can we do' gesture. Then he exhaled slowly. "We can't brush this under the rug, Jack."

He winced. "We can try? Give it some time?"

Daniel shook his head. "I can only speak for myself here, but that's not working. All our coping mechanisms, the stuff we never talk about but keep _saying_ to each other... it's not good enough this time." He held up the bottle again. "So... Want to discuss this on your doorstep? Because I'd rather – not."

"Maybe this is a very bad idea and you should just go home and leave it at that," Jack said awkwardly, still blocking the doorway.

"It is a very bad idea all the way around. But we can't go on like this or it'll destroy the team."

"We'll deal. We always do," Jack muttered.

"Ye-ah. I can sooo see that right now," Daniel answered coolly.

Jack stepped back and let him in. The click as the front door closed seemed way too loud in his ears. When he turned, Daniel had already moved into the living room. He placed the bottle on the coffee table and shrugged off his sheep skin jacket, leaving it on the recliner.

Jack stopped at the top of the steps leading into the living room. "Can't we just say we had a blast getting high on weed and letting our hair down and be done with it?" He didn't sound as desperate as he felt, right? Hopefully not.

Daniel's eyebrows wandered up over the rim of his glasses. "So you can admit you had a good time there? That's more than I expected."

"Hell, yeah." It burst out before he could hold it back. Bad. Very bad. He winced again at the upward twitch of Daniel's mouth. "So did you. At least that was my, uh, take on it?"

"I don't want you to get all smug over this, but, yeah. It was... pretty good."

Jack felt himself relax a little. Maybe they could get past this. They had pulled it out in the open now instead of tiptoeing around it. If they could talk about this like adults, call it what it was and let it go – that would make it all easier. The silence between them grew longer. He moistened his dry lips and cleared his throat. "I... uh... owe you an apology."

Daniel blinked. "For?"

"You're right. We need to talk. Civilian or not, I'm your CO and I should have brought it up. I screwed up there, Daniel. Of course I should never have let this happen in the first place."

The short flutter of amusement from before was instantly gone. "Jack, you were drugged. You may be trained to resist torture and drugs, but that probably doesn't go for alien weed."

"It's still my responsibility." He could do this. As long as they were on the same page here Jack could talk about it. Yay for alien influences.

Daniel shook his head. "We both agreed it wasn't rape. We are both adults and, drugged or not, we were both equally involved."

"The question is, do you want to be reassigned to another team because of this?"

Daniel's jaw hit the floor. "What?!"

"If you're uncomfortable working with me. If you feel we crossed the line..."

"You think that's what I came here for? To tell you I want off the team?"

"No! But you wanted to talk about this and now we're talking I need to give you that option."

Daniel nodded and shoved his fists into the pockets of his... He wore tight faded jeans. Why was it that Daniel came to work in those baggy clothes most of the time, but tonight he had to... Jack forced his eyes away from those jeans. He hadn't _looked_ at Daniel in weeks. He wasn't going to start again now.

"This isn't just about me. Do you want me to move to another team, Jack?" The question hung in the room.

Jack thought he was going to say yes. Going by the way they had avoided each other over the last couple of weeks and how he had felt around Daniel lately – an undefined mix of guilt, longing and anger – he was sure he'd say yes. But now as they faced each other he found he couldn't. This was Daniel. Daniel was part of SG-1.

"No, I don't. But this is your call, Daniel."

"Then, no. I'm not leaving."

Relief washed through Jack and he stepped down into the living room, closing the distance between them. That had gone better than he had imagined. Now they could return to normal.

His eyes strayed back to the faded jeans hugging long legs... hugging everything they covered... then traveled up the black tee and the blue and white plaid flannel shirt that would have looked nerdy on anyone but Daniel. Daniel wore it open and the sleeves were rolled up. Casual and so Daniel. If it wasn't for those jeans.

Okay. They could _pretend_ going back to normal.

Then Daniel's next words hit Jack like a punch in the guts. "Where do you want us to go from here, Jack? Usually there's dating prior to the sex and ceremonies..."

"What?" He wished he was still up there by the stairs. When had Daniel decided he needed to 'go somewhere' and 'date'? And why the hell couldn't they just put this behind them now? It's what they did, right? Make sure they were on the same page and then move on from it. Not take it apart and talk about it blow-by-blow.

"Daniel... we were drugged. It was an 'alien-made-us-do-it' thing..."

"And we agreed it was great."

"And illegal," Jack snapped. "Inappropriate and illegal. Don't forget that part!"

"Fine. Inappropriate and illegal mind blowing sex," Daniel snapped back.

"Geez, will you just..."

"It was the best inappropriate and illegal sex I had since college."

"What?" Jack had to sit down. So he did.

"Not exactly an anal virgin here."

"That's... TMI." He didn't need to know whether or not Daniel was a 'virgin' or with how many guys he'd had sex since college.

"And neither are you – going by how you..."

"Daniel!" Jack buried his face into his hands. He wasn't doing this. Any moment now his alarm would go off and he would find out it was just a nightmare. Any moment...

"Jack?" Gentle now. "What I'm saying is; we don't have to... stop doing it."

His hands fell into his lap. "Yes, actually, we do," he rasped out.

"No, we don't. This is between you and me. It stays between you and me."

"Yes, it does. And it was a one time thing."

"But it doesn't have to be," Daniel said urgently. "It's up to you because you are the one putting his career on the line. But we can work around that." He crossed his arms and Jack did NOT notice how the fabric of the well worn shirt tightened around Daniel's biceps. Except he did. And he found it more than just a little bit irritating.

"Look, Daniel... I don't know what you expect from me, but whatever you're up to... stop it. Right there. Right here." He gave the bottle a wary glance. "And let's not get drunk. That's a very bad idea."

"Okay." Daniel stared at his feet for a moment, then his head came up again and his eyes bore into Jack. He could see anger simmering right under the surface of Daniel's calm and cool demeanor. "I know there are probably a lot of reasons why you want to stay locked away in that closet of yours. But could you at least consider there might be a way around those regulations and frat rules? DADT mean anything to you? It's done all the time all over the place. Keeping under wraps, keeping it out of the job."

"What do you want me to say? We can't keep doing this. You know that." Jack got up and mirrored Daniel's stance, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

"You are hiding behind those regs now, Jack. But I don't think you always have. Not by the way you did me on that altar."

"Those regs are there for a reason!"

"What reason? What difference does it make if your relationship is same gender or not? I get the frat rules. That's a reason, yes. But we can handle this. We just need to lay down the ground rules and stick to them."

Jack rolled his eyes. "So what? You want us to be friends with benefits? Fuck buddies? Just because we got it on so nicely while we were high on some alien hemp?"

Daniel's face flushed and his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Fuck buddies."

"Yes. Don't like the term? That's what they call it, Daniel. Fuck buddies. Scratching an itch. It's what guys do," Jack spat.

"Right. Stupid me for wanting to know where we stand."

"We don't," Jack ground out. "There's you, there's me. The only 'we' is connected to SG-1. I'm not going to risk my career, my freedom, for an occasional roll in the hay. And I won't put anyone on my team – including you - into a compromising position by starting a sexual relationship."

"Okay." Daniel took a deep breath. "That was..."

Jack scrubbed a hand through his hair, messing it up. "Daniel, I... we're friends," he tried to soften the blow. "I don't want to throw that away by fooling around and getting us both in trouble."

"Fuck buddies wasn't what I had in mind," Daniel said quietly.

Why couldn't he just let this go? "Don't," Jack warned.

"Is that all you can us imagine to be?"

"It's all there is," Jack said. "There is no 'us'. Not in the sense of," he made air quotations, "dating, flowers, eternal love and ever after. It's not how it works."

Daniel snorted. "Believe it or not, but real relationships between guys are possible."

"Not with this guy."

"Then that drug really messed you up good. I thought it brought out a side in you I didn't know before." Daniel picked up his jacket.

Jack reached out to keep him from leaving, but then pulled back the hand that wanted to grab Daniel's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Me too."

Jack watched him walk away. And just when Daniel had his hand on the door he couldn't stop himself. "I still want you to stay on the team, Daniel."

Daniel paused. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." _I still want us to be friends too_. But he didn't say that. He hoped Daniel would know.

To his surprise Daniel turned and walked back to him. "I won't follow you around like a love sick puppy, so don't worry about me. It's not like I've never been turned down before."

Jack cringed. "Daniel..."

"You're the one drawing the lines here, Jack. You are the one who kept avoiding me like the plague for the last couple of weeks. I can handle this. The question is – can you?"

"Yeah."

They held each other's gaze and time seemed to slow down to a halt.

"We'll see," Daniel said.

Jack took a deep breath. "So. Pizza?"

"Your treat?"

"Sure."

Things looked better...

...It had turned out to be their last shared pizza because when it had come down to it neither of them had handled things very well in the long run, Daniel had tried to hide it, but he'd been scorned by Jack's flat-out rejection and it had started poisoning their friendship. And Jack had done his best to push Daniel away and keep him at bay. He had regretted it each and every day, but he hadn't been able to get past what he'd been taught to believe in. There was no love for men with other men. There was sex and the relief it brought. Nothing more.

Sometimes in the dark of sleepless nights and after more beer than was good for him Jack had known there could be more, _was_ more. If he gave in to it. If he allowed himself to open up to it. But he always stomped it down. There couldn't be anything more. Not for him, not as long as he was wearing those dog tags. Not as long as he and Daniel worked together under the circumstances they did. Not as long as either of them could be compromised by what they did.

By what they felt. Whatever that was – beyond physical

cravings.

Jack had to keep his head straight in the field and all the could've been... would've been... should've beens had to stop right there. He'd allowed himself to fantasize, had allowed himself to 'want', for way too long. Alien influences was a great excuse, but it didn't stand a chance when it came to feelings.

Feelings Jack wasn't supposed to have.

Not for anyone under his direct command. Not for Daniel.

Because he knew one thing for sure. If he'd given in to what Daniel had implied Jack wouldn't have been able to keep it out of the job when push came to shove, if he ever had to make a choice on life and death.

"That's a load of crap," he said to himself as he sat down heavily on one of the white marble benches. He pulled out the dog tags again and looked at them.

It wouldn't have mattered if he and Daniel had a relationship. If they had lived a secret life together under the radar. Those damn feelings had been there anyway. The danger of being compromised had stared Jack in the face every day. But he had led himself to believe that as long as they kept their distance it was manageable.

What it really had been, was a lot of wasted time.

And he hadn't really understood, hadn't really gotten the essence of how deep all this ran, until the Ba'al disaster. And by then they had been beyond the point of being able to fix things.


	3. Chapter 3

**III**

Daniel hid in the shadows of a jasmine bush as Jack passed by. It was ridiculous to hide because Jack couldn't see him anyway unless he made himself known. And even if he did; the chances of Jack just covering his eyes - 'If I don't look you're not there' – were pretty high.

He'd come back here to make sure Jack was going with the program. Sam was working on the drug and making progress. Teal'c's symbiote was closer to maturing than ever and it was about time to set things in motion.

He'd watched Jack wander the paths, then sit on the marble bench to pull the dog tags from his pocket and run them through his fingers while he brooded.

Daniel used to believe he had hardened his heart against his love for Jack O'Neill a long time before he ascended. He had still believed that when he'd asked Jack to let him go with Oma. He could have shown himself to Teal'c back then. Teal'c would have accepted his wishes and let him go on this journey as well. But Jack had always been the one he turned to, however grudgingly. It had felt right to say goodbye to Jack. Right and final.

Closure.

When Daniel had sat beside Jack through the ordeal at Ba'al's fortress he'd been there to comfort a friend, not to declare love again. It had nothing to do with how he had felt for Jack or how he'd once believed Jack felt for him. He had gone through that with Jack because Jack needed him then. He would have done the same for Daniel. He'd have been there, no matter what happened between them before.

It had taken Daniel a long time and SG-1 going MIA on this planet to admit – even to himself – that you could harden your heart against certain feelings. But you couldn't make them go away. Even when you were supposed to cut loose all your ties.

And even Oma's attempt to "help" by splitting him hadn't completely severed the bond between him and his friends. Between him and Jack.

Time and his ability to adapt and to move on had helped him to survive the death of his parents and Sha're. But he couldn't move on from Jack because...

He had no idea why. He only knew he couldn't. It was a weakness he had a hard time to accept. But there it was.

Daniel edged closer and silently morphed into semi-human form as he settled down beside his friend. So close and yet worlds apart. He had put off this confrontation, had steered clear of him; hadn't even gone back to watch him sleep anymore once the boy had appeared. Except for that one time when he'd talked to the kid, he had stayed away.

He wasn't sure what to expect. He had no idea if Jack could sense him, now that he remembered who he was. If, despite everything, their foundation was still that strong.

"I won't bother tossing my shoe through you this time."

_Well, that answers that question._ He couldn't make himself as visible and hearable as he had done in Ba'al's prison. If he tried The Others would intervene. When he had talked to Danny it had been different because the kid was a part of him. And Sam had been drugged and all her barriers were down. But even talking to her had only worked when he actually melded with her, touched her. He wasn't sure Jack would let him.

But Jack could see him. Or sense him. Maybe...

'Jack?'

Jack turned his head, looking right at him. "I can _see_ you. Sort of. Can't hear you, though."

Jack wasn't going to appreciate it if Daniel just wrapped around him, as he had with Sam. He tentatively reached out, offering a translucent hand, palm up. Jack wouldn't take it. There was no chance in hell Jack would hold hands with him in a moonlit backyard.

"And they say romance is dead," Jack muttered, eying the hand for a moment longer before he finally raised his hand, paused, and then slowly lowered his own palm until it rested against Daniel's. Despite not being fully physical, Daniel could feel them connecting. It rippled through him like a small electric surge. _The Others will know_, he thought.

But nothing happened.

'Jack?'

'No words, eh? Did you move up a grade or two in glowy school?'

'It's just a precaution. I'm not supposed to talk to you.'

'All those rules of non interference still set in stone?'

'Ye-ah. But I'm getting better operating under their radar.'

'You always managed to bend the rules to suit you. Or just ignore them.' There was no accusation in that, just a matter of fact.

'So do you. If it suits you,' Daniel replied, unable to keep the sarcasm completely out of his mental voice

If Jack picked up on it he didn't react. Instead he smirked, 'So, what have you been up to since the last time we met at Ba'al's tea party?''

Daniel's hand morphed into a tendril of light, gently wrapping around Jack's arm. Of all the things Jack remembered this one had to be hard to face. 'You remember everything now?'

'Mostly. Some connections are missing. Did I like Froot Lops or donuts? And was Walter the chevron guy or the fix-it guy with that huge wrench?'

'Walter – chevron. Siler – wrench.'

'Right.'

'Froot Loops and donuts.'

'Nice.'

'Jack, are you ready to do this? I mean... I know you will move heaven and earth to get to Teal'c... but are you ready to go home when it's over? Are you ready to pick up your life again?' He sensed how torn his friend was. It seemed to come off him in waves. He was still caught between the two lives he had lived. The real one and the one the memory stamp had given him.

There was a long pause.

Jack looked down at his arm and the threads of Daniel's spirit wrapped around it. 'Will you stick around for a while... later?'

'You mean like on special occasions? Christmas, Groundhog day?' They had had this conversation before. In the infirmary at the SGC. Daniel hadn't listened back then. Not the way he used to listen to what Jack said to him.

Now he did. And had a moment of clarity. Jack had actually asked him to come back. To stay. In their own twisted way of talking to each other in some weird kind of Jack/Daniel code, he had asked. And Daniel had missed it. Or maybe he just hadn't been ready to hear it back then.

Was he ready now? He decided that, maybe, he was. 'You owe me a date.'

'Is that a yes?'

'A maybe.'

'I guess I deserve that.'

'Yep, you do.'

They fell silent for a moment, but Jack seemed to relax. The tension eased away. 'I don't know if I can change,' he said suddenly, 'but I can... try.'

'I don't need you to change. Just stop hiding out from me in that closet. Stop running.'

Jack didn't reply to that, but there was a faint nod. It was more than Daniel had ever expected to get. And he didn't have time to analyze it or celebrate or even consider his options

The clock was ticking.

As if he had read his mind, Jack straightened and turned to face him. 'Let's do this. What's Carter been up to? Is she ready to make the move?'

'Almost. By the time you're there she will be.'

'Good. Anything else you can give me? Layout of the monastery? You been there, looked after T?'

And for the first time in months they were working together again as Daniel gave Jack a report and they went over several critical details of the upcoming S&R.

ooo

Jack O'Neill gave the mirror one last look. He turned his head this way and that, not sure yet how he felt about the new hair style. It felt right. And yet... He scrubbed a hand down the back of his head, fingering the short strands.

"Mullets belong in the Eighties," he muttered, tossing the remains of his ponytail in the trashcan by the wash stand. He had finally shaved, too, and felt more human on the whole than he had yesterday.

It was time to get ready to leave.

But first...

He left the room Jadah had prepared for him and Danny. The kid had slipped out early without a word and Jack had let him, knowing he was in good hands with Jadah.

Breakfast was on the table in the sunlit kitchen; a loaf of white bread, butter and jam and a jug of orange juice. A plate with cold meat and some cheese. There was no sign of the old woman or Danny. And – thankfully – no tea.

However, no coffee either.

Jack quickly fixed a sandwich and had a glass of juice, his mind already on the upcoming mission. The mission before the real mission.

He finished eating, put his dishes into the sink and the food on the counter, then went on the search for his star child.

Danny turned out to be exactly where Jack assumed he would be. He stopped at the small fence and allowed himself a moment of undisturbed observation that brought a smile to his face.

The blond head was bowed, hands working busily, as Danny tended to one of the large brown rabbits with a soft brush, crooning soft words and patting the long ears in between. The rabbit seemed happy enough with the treatment and sat perfectly still.

Jack waited patiently until the boy was done and released the animal before he stepped over the fence and made his presence known. The rabbit took his time clambering out of the Danny's lap and joining his long-eared friends.

Danny crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. "I had breakfast," he informed Jack. "And I didn't wander off. Jadah knows I'm here. I asked if I could stay when we fed the rabbits."

Jack raised his hands "Hey, I come in pieces."

The scowl didn't waver. "Sometimes you are not funny, Jack, no matter how hard you try."

"Ouch. That hurts." He parked his butt on one of the uncomfortable boulders beside Danny. "What do rabbits have for breakfast, huh? Carrots and cabbage?"

"Carrots and hay and chicory." Danny wrinkled his nose. "Jadah says they even like brussel sprouts."

"Ewww," Jack shuddered.

"Did you come to say goodbye? I wish you hadn't." He ducked his head.

"Actually..." Jack let out a slow breath. He didn't know exactly why he was so reluctant about this. Why he was almost _afraid_ of it. "I need your help with something, buddy."

Danny glanced at him, then back at the ground. "With what?"

"Remember when you said you could show me... you could fill in the blanks of my memories?"

"You said not to do that," Danny pointed out sullenly.

"I know, but... I guess I need to know."

"You said you remember enough."

"I know. And I do. But there's something missing from my memories. Most of them are... dull. And kind of..." He couldn't put his finger on the right word.

"Not like they are your own memories?" Danny asked with a perk of interest.

"Yeah. I have them and I know they are mine, but some of it feels like someone else lived them and told me about them." Except when it came to Daniel. His memories of Daniel and a lot of what they had been through were like a bright flame compared to the rest.

Jack had Danny's full attention now, which was a good sign. "I can't give you your very own memories. I can give you Daniel's. The ones that match with yours. But it will make you understand who you were, who you are. What SG-1 means to us."

"Okay." His throat felt dry and he wanted to be anywhere but here. But he had to do this if he wanted to get his... team home. If he wanted to ever be able to go on with his life.

Danny scrambled to his feet and stepped in front of Jack, between his open knees. They locked eyes for a long moment and the child whispered, "Don't be scared, Jack. Just trust me."

"I can do that," Jack murmured and closed his eyes when small palms settled to either side of his face and Danny said, "You're my bestest friend in the whole world. And you became Daniel's bestest friend in the whole world when you helped the people of Abydos to get rid of Ra..."

And so it began.

At first it was a tornado of images and words and sounds, but it slowed down to a gentle wind and Jack sat in wonder as Daniel's memories slotted in with his own and opened the doors to the repressed parts of what Jack remembered.

He saw himself on Abydos and at the same time he saw himself through Daniel's eyes. A broken, bitter man on a collision course with himself. He remembered what it had _felt_ like to save the Abydonians in the end; like waking up from a long dark nightmare.

He skipped forward and followed Danny's guidance through the years. Meeting Carter, being amused over how she clicked with Daniel right away, being a bit overwhelmed at her razor sharp intellect and the rapid-fired explanation she was so good at. Bit by bit his own memories of meeting her returned. Holy crap, had she really told him that just because her reproductive organs were on the inside instead of the outside, didn't mean she couldn't handle whatever Jack could handle?

Turned out she had more balls than some marines Jack knew.

He got to understand Daniel's happiness over finding someone who understood geekdom and lived it. He knew Daniel and Sam had been close, but he only now realized that Sam had been far more than just a friend. She was like Daniel's big sister, the one he could talk to about almost everything and she never rolled his eyes at him or pretended not being able to follow...

Then there was Teal'c who'd given up his home, his family, to help his people fight the Goa'uld. Who'd pledged his allegiance to the Tau'ri the moment he had thrown his staff at Jack and helped them to break out of the Chulak prison. And, as Jack moved forward on memory lane he caught a glimpse of how Daniel had thought there was hope for Jack if he was able to think outside the box and trust a giant alien carrying a snake in his belly. And when they had been back at the SGC and Hammond hadn't thrown Teal'c into prison on first sight, Daniel had slowly started to believe he and Jack could make a difference and fight the Goa'uld. And save Sha're.

Jack had no recollection of how long this went on. Many things he already knew. Missions, close calls, politics, torture, saving the world, replicators, Apophis almighty, Ba'al, his personal nemesis, Yu with that 'you' joke getting old pretty quickly, Cronus, who murdered Teal'c's father, Nirrti the invisible bitch,... a carousel of names and places and events.

But little details were added now. Carter eating all that blue jell-o and being able to handle any kind of gun she wielded. Teal'c's weird liking for tabloids and TV shows like Oprah. Carter and Daniel playing Sudoku in the commissary, Jack and Teal'c sparing in the gym and Jack always ending up bruised and defeated. Carter's ability to think on her feet and rigging up doodads to get them out of tight spots. Daniel sitting cross legged in front of a pyramid door, unraveling the riddle on how to open it. Teal'c firing his staff with such calmness, always back-to-back with the rest of them.

Many things Danny showed him triggered more of Jack's own memories – Carter biting Jack's hand when they had come around from being stunned on Klorel's ship. Yeah, he really liked her attitude. Teal'c's undomesticated equines when Jack was hooked to the gate room wall. The Chulakian joke no one got, playing golf through the gate and... yep, _that's_ where Jack had learned the art of pottery, in that time loop thingy. Daniel had thought Jack's new hobby showed an artistic side of him and he had actually kept a couple of the bowls Jack made in the weeks after the time loop before he had lost interest in pottery.

Some of the events Danny helped Jack to get a better perspective on were a lot darker. Creepy at times. A slimy goa'ulded alien monster trying to eat them in a pyramid, their unpleasant stay on the gamekeeper's planet, their various run-ins with Apophis, to hell and back, fighting the techno bugs. Daniel's sorrow over Sha're's death. His anger towards Teal'c, how hard he had worked to get past that and restore the friendship between him and the Jaffa. And, for the first time, Jack realized there had been guilt as well on Daniel's part for being more and more drawn to his best friend despite the fact that he'd been grieving for his wife.

All of it was slotted back into place with new layers added and when Danny finally reached the point of Daniel's last heroic act on Kelowna the images slowed down, then stopped.

Jack opened his eyes and saw tears forming in Danny's. "I didn't wanna die, Jack. I knew it would make you angry when I jumped through that window. I had no choice. But I didn't wanna die. I was scared when it started hurting so much and the cool packs didn't help and I wanted you to come."

He gently put his own hands over the small ones still covering his cheeks. "Danny, stop. You don't have to. I remember all that." And he remembered it way too clearly, in too vivid colors. He didn't need a re-run.

"And you came and I wanted to go with Oma, but I didn't want to leave you."

"Danny, stop..." Jack moved their hands away from his face.

"My heart was hurting all over and Oma said I could stop hurting. But you were so sad and I'm sorry I made you sad because I left."

Jack shook his head and, unable to say anything, tucked Danny into his arms in an attempt to shelter him from the pain and the fear. After a long moment he felt the small body relax.

"Daniel missed you. And Sam and Teal'c." Danny's voice was muffled by the shirt where he had his face buried against Jack's chest, but he wasn't crying and he was talking of his big self in third person again. He was distancing himself again from that other him. Hopefully that meant he had calmed down.

"I miss him too," Jack cupped the back of Danny's head. "More than he probably knows."

The star child clung to him a moment longer, then he started to wriggle out of the embrace and looked up at Jack with clear, knowing eyes. "You need to tell him."

"I think I already did. But I'm not sure he's willing to..."

"Forgive you? He will. He always does." Danny patted Jack's knee. "So do I. I'm cross with you because you won't take me to get Teal'c. But I'll forgive you."

"That's... thank you." And while it was amusing to be forgiven for wanting the kid to be safe Jack felt a huge pang of relief that he didn't have to leave a disappointed and angry Danny behind.

"Just bring him back. And listen to Sam. She's always right."

"I'll keep that in mind." He got up and swung Danny up to sit on his hip. "Want to help me pack?"

"Okay."

They stepped over the fence and walked towards the house.

"Jack?"

"Danny?"

"Remember you have no guns so you can't shoot first and ask questions later."

"You're a smart one, aren't ya?" Jack had been mulling the no-gun issue over for a while now. He had his knife, which was not much to work with. He'd considered making bows and arrows like they had done on the Nox planet, but arrows were only good for shooting from a distance. They had to get in the monastery, the lion's den so to speak, and just do hand-to-hand if necessary.

From what Daniel had told him it shouldn't be too much of an issue but you never knew.

Damn, he wished he had a zat at least.

"Try to be nice. Sometimes it helps," Danny piped up.

"I thought this was a rescue, not a diplomatic mission?"

"But maybe those monks won't mind you taking Teal'c if you ask nicely?"

He doubted that, but said, "I will be on my best behavior, Danny-boy."

"Uh-oh," Danny muttered. After a moment and just as they reached the front porch he said, "If they don't want to listen to you and play nice you can stop behaving and kick their butts."

Jack chuckled as they entered the kitchen and found Jadah at the table. She looked up from what she was doing and smiled. "Ahhhh, there you are. I have packed food for you and the little one." She patted Jack's backpack. "I also put the map in here. You don't know the woods like Sam does so you might need it."

"I'm not going with Jack," Danny said. "He wants me to stay with you."

Jadah frowned and shook her head. "I don't think that is wise."

Jack wondered briefly if the two of them had staged this little act, if Danny had talked her into convincing Jack to take him, but he hoped not even Danny had that much manipulative power. "I should have asked if you're willing to take care of him while I'm gone. I'm sorry I didn't think of that." He had just assumed she'd be happy to keep the bug for a while. Everyone loved that kid. He was like a sunray on a gloomy day.

"Oh!" Jadah laughed and reached out to pat Danny's arm. "I would love to keep him here, Jack O'Neill. But I believe you need him more than I do."

"I'd rather he stayed with you. We don't exactly know what to expect out there and we need to focus on getting Teal'c out."

"Danny here is your easiest way to enter the monastery without raising suspicion," Jadah pointed out. "If you claim he is the descendant of a sinner they will open their doors and let you inside to examine him."

"YES!" Danny patted Jack's shoulder.

"No. No way. Forget it. You're not coming with me. We've been over this." Jack turned to the old woman. "He's way too young to be claimed a sinner child. You told me the legend says kids don't 'turn' before the age of ten."

"Well, it has never been heard of that a younger child turns. But there is a first time for everything. They will want to make sure your boy is not a sinner."

"And then what? I just hand the kid over to be examined by those creeps while we go and get Teal'c? Not gonna happen." He tightened his arm protectively around the boy.

Jadah ignored him and spoke to Danny instead. "Can you make the monks listen, Danny? I know you have a special gift for calming people, to make them feel at ease, even happy. I have sensed it in you. Do you know how to do that on purpose?"

Danny's eyes grew big and he nodded. "Yes, I think I can. I helped Masala not to be sad anymore when we left. And I showed Jorge that he doesn't have to be angry all the time. But I never met those monks. I don't know if I can do it with them."

"I'm sure you can."

"Whoa!" Jack felt it was time to butt in here. "Hold it. I'm not taking you with me. Carter and I will handle those monks. There aren't many of them left and the monastery is a big old place with several possibilities to get in and out."

Jadah's violet eyes bore into him. "You will have to rescue a very weak and probably confused man. Danny here has the power to get you past those monks and probably distract them long enough for you to find Teal'c. His flame shines very brightly. This morning when we visited the rabbits they all let him pet them. They are not usually cuddly pets. I asked him how he did that and he touched my face and said; I let them know I won't harm them. I made them feel safe."

"Those monks are not rabbits," Jack snapped. But he had seen how Danny touching people affected them. On Mania's mom, Jorge, Masala – even himself. The question was; was this ability, gift, whatever, strong enough to use to their advantage? And was he slowly losing his marbles for even considering this?

"The point is that this boy will be able to get you to your friend much faster. And time is of the essence, is it not?"

"Yes. And I will lose a lot of time because he can't hike all the way through those woods. I have to carry him and the pack," Jack objected.

"There is a village in the woods, a small community. Tell them you are on your way to the monastery to have your child examined because I sensed something in him. Tell them I sent you and give this to a man called Gowder. He will give you one of his horses for the rest of the way." Jadah put a small leather bag on the table.

Jack picked it up; it was heavily filled with taler. "I have my own money..."

"Which you may need later when you reach the city," she cut him off.

Jack frowned. "Won't those folks start a witch hunt if they think Danny is a sinner?"

"They will not want you to stay the night at their village, but they won't hunt you. They will probably pity you for having to give away your child."

"Yeah, well... I still think it's too risky." He put the bag down again.

"There is something else to consider," Jadah said patiently. "If your friend is too weak to make the whole way back here once you've gotten him out, you will have to treat him wherever Sam has settled down. And once your friend is well enough to travel - which might take a while, depending on what condition he is in - you should go to Madinah City and find a way to reach your stargate. Coming back here at a later point may be dangerous once you have taken Teal'c from the monastery. If only one of those monks changes his mind later and reports to the authorities they might come looking here first."

Danny slung one arm around Jack's neck. "She's right, you know?"

Jack had to grudgingly agree about the sketchy time frame. If they had to nurse Teal'c back to health there and then make the detour here to pick up the kid... Too many 'ifs' and 'buts' all the way around. If Jack left Carter and Teal'c there and came back to get the kid it would still take him six days. Three to get here, another three or maybe even four to get back to them. And he didn't like the thought of Carter being on her own and immobile because Teal'c was too sick to move.

So maybe sticking together was the better option. Or the lesser of two evils.

He picked up the leather pouch again. "This Gowder – will he buy the sinner crap?"

"Certainly."

"Wouldn't it be easier to make a detour to Sa'iidi and buy a horse there without having to make up a story?"

"You will lose a whole day if you walk to Sa'iidi to buy a horse," Jadah pointed out. "The way up to the woods from there is much longer."

"Right." He slipped the money pouch into his pants. "Will you be okay if someone from the authorities comes snooping around here?"

She laughed at that. "Don't worry about me, O'Neill. If you manage to go to get to the portal they will have their hands full trying to stop you. And if Samantha can deactivate the venus trap and make sure no one will ever be memory stamped again, there is no need for Mentors and Shadows and secrets anymore."

And what if there wasn't enough time to disable that trap? If the gate trap only activated when someone dialed in from another planet – if the gate worked normally when they dialed out from here -. Jack wasn't going to risk them being caught by staying any longer than necessary.

Damn, he needed more intel. He and Daniel had talked about the monastery last night, how to get in and out, how many monks there were left, but not about the exact location of the gate or how well it was guarded. Daniel had to leave before they could get to those other points. He'd been worried about The Others getting on their six if he stayed too long.

Jack really needed to talk to Daniel again soon.


End file.
